Fear of failure develops into trust

First off, congrats to all those who competed at CUs this past week-end!

Secondly, the reason I didn’t write yesterday is because my body hated me…I thought the nausea and onset of brain malfunction was from the all-u-can-eat sushi I ate, but it was actually from my standard monthly migraine and I was forced into the fetal position for the remainder of the night (lasting until mid morning today).  Below is a picture from the all-u-can-eat meal…well worth it and I would do it again, only because I was with my girlsJ!

Unfortunately the migraine kept me from doing things this morning - like doing my morning row, going into the office on time, and meeting 2 other friends for lunch.  BUT, the body does what it does, and sometimes you can’t fight it.

Once I was feeling better, I went into the office and then after work I was able to fit in my row.  It was a very interesting row to say the least.  Though I am on land, I still feel like I am in a boat going over waves…swaying gently from side to side.  Have you ever had that feeling after sitting in a motor?  You get to land, get out of the boat, and then WHOA you are still feeling the motion from the waves…interesting eh?!

So that got me thinking…

The feeling I felt of being on the water still continued as I was on land, and this holds true for other things too.  For a long time I have held onto a feeling that has not been the most positive.  In 2005 I went to Denmark and raced at the World Long Course Triathlon Championships.  It was devastating because I had trained so hard for years for the 4km swim, 120km bike and 30km run.  I was ready to race and at my peak.  Long story short, several events during the race led me to my “failure” where I was taken off the course after 10km into the run, given an oxygen mask and told that my race was over.  The feeling I developed of fear to race alone and fear of failure continued into the sports I did thereafter, including rowing – but only in the single race category.  I am a BIG crew rower…I love to row in a team and push to my max with and for my teammates.  But when it comes to the single, I psych myself out because of this fear.  Today, for the first time in a while, I felt like I could let it go.  As I went over the waves, I realized that there is no reason I shouldn’t trust myself, and so whether I am in a crew boat or a single, I need to trust in what I am capable of doing and just close my eyes and push until I go blind or get forced to get off the courseJ (hopefully not with an oxygen mask).

Sometimes it’s not as obvious as the “boat” feeling, but for me this simple incident brought huge perspective to me and helped me gain that extra confidence that I need going into this week-end.

Enjoy this video below…